Review: Toyota Prius

It's shit.
Don't buy one.

The most fun you'll ever have in a prius
without taking your clothes off.

The prius' USP (unique selling point for those that don't watch Dragons Den) is that it's a so called Eco Friendly vehicle. While it may be eco-friendly, remember that this is purely to do with it's emissions. The Fuel economy on the other hand, has been proven to be worse than that of a BMW M3. The prius and the m3 had the same tank of fuel, and were consequently driven around a race track at the prius' top speed (I'd guess 60mph, though Al Gore was caught doing over 100, probably off a cliff...) and the bmw M3 went on to do almost twice as many laps on the same tank of fuel. The point is, you can claim it's efficient but if you drive down a highway you're going to be doing faster than walking speed at which the prius is VERY fuel efficient. So if you want fuel economy, get something small and preferably German. Alternatively get a little 87' honda civic. It's lighter, faster, matches if not beats the prius in fuel economy and let's face it, it looks better. Also it's a lot cheaper. With used ones starting at around £400 on autotrader.co.uk (about $700)

Alternatives

 a '86 honda civic CRX

the Tesla

Personally, I wouldn't spend all that money on a hybrid. I'd either get a practical  car like the civic below, or go all the way and get a completely electric car that's cool like the Tesla Roadster. With a top speed of 160mph, the Tesla is no toy.

Moo juice: A Student's Best Friend. A Practical Post for Once.

So you don't get the impression that I'm some kind of over-thinking impractical man, I'll show you something practical, something very practical indeed.
Mandatory rhetorical questions:

• Do you feel like a latté, milkshake or a dreamy vanilla flavoured drink?
• can you not be bothered going to the shop and buying those things?
• Do you not indulge yourself because you like to tighten the belt on your wallet?
• Do you not indulge yourself because you like to tighten your own belt?

well here's the solution:
M I L K.

milk in all it's dream-like glory

Yes, wonderful isn't it! What's that? you don't like milk?

Not to worry! this works just as well with coca-cola and own brand 20p lemonade! :D
It really does! try it, go on... : )

You can put anything in milk as long as it isn't;
a) acidic
b) non-soluble
c) made with flower

I've tried all those so you don't have to! How do you put anything with flower into milk? I hear you not asking.
Well, at some point in my past I tried to make the perfect winter warmer based on my favourite milk drink; hot vanilla and nutmeg chocolate. I put in all the things that made me feel warm inside; sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, chilli, rich tea biscuit...
It was this last one that didn't quite work. Even chilli goes well with milk (in moderation) but cookies, not so much. It didn't quite dissolve as I had hoped it would and I ended up with bits of flavourless mush floating around. The bits were microscopic, but it still felt like I was drinking the contents of the sink.
Anyway, I'll show you the basics for making hot and cold drinks. Remember; any milk drink is delicious served both hot and cold, but only some can be made hot. Never fear, for there's this magical property of hot drinks; they cool down.

Hot stuff

For the purposes of my personal piece of mind, Remember that I don't take responsibility for your stupidity. If you're not responsible enough to use a cooker get someone who is. If you did something stupid because your friends made you do it, you need new friends.

We are gonna make coffee milk!

For this recipe you will probably need;

1. milk
   semi skimmed, full fat, soya, it all works.
2. sugar
   or honey, or saccharin sweetener if you like petroleum derived food, or no sweetener at all, up to you.
3. coffee
   soluble coffee works the best. if it isn't soluble, you'll have to strain the drink afterwards, duh.
4. a microwave or a cooker and saucepan. If you're really stumped just use a mug and a candle. On second thoughts;
   you  probably shouldn't.
5. microwavable utensil 
   You should know by now what's microwavable and what isn't. I used a glass but I wouldn't recommend this because it's very hot and you will probably drop it taking it out. I did.

Ready? no because you're only reading this and you're not going to actually do it? good! let's go!

Method:
if you are using a stove skip to the end of this method. you get special instructions.

1. Pour half a glass of milk
Self explanatory. Pour half of what you will make into a microwavable utensil.
 Make sure it isn't metal.

2. Set the microwave to 2 minutes

if you have a 750 watt microwave. Like me. This is about how much you need to heat milk before it boils. If your microwave is "powerfuller" use less time. Simple. Anything around 1 minute 30 should do the job for your NR-71 gamma ray food de-atomiser. 

4. Cover the utensil and put it in
Make sure you cover  it with a non-metallic and non-plastic object that won't fall off. Plates are ideal.
As you can see, I didn't. I did this so you can all see what happens if you don't. Now you have seen, Don't do it.
Good.

5. Add your coffee
you only need 1 teaspoon per 250ml.
At this point you also add the sugar and spices and anything else you want in your coffee. Nutmeg is good, as is vanilla and cinnamon. Don't over-do it though. Spices shouldn't exceed half a teaspoon each. Vanilla only takes 1-3 drops if it's in concentrate form.

Want to make a genuine hot chocolate?

then at this point rather than (or as well as) adding coffee, you can also add in your favourite chocolate! those pathetic "fun size" versions of chocolate bars are perfect for this because just one should be enough. Remember though, anything works except something with whole nuts or raisins in it. It must be soluble! That's right, any type of chocolate. They won't mix anything acidic or floury into chocolate bars because chocolate has milk in it, duh.
But do beware of wafer.
Stir it well but don't worry if it doesn't completely dissolve because it won't. this is what step 6 is for.

6. Re-heat

Once your stuff has been dissolved, it's time to put it back in for a minute and a half (1 minute if you have a type 5 domestic nuclear kitchen reactor)
Remember to cover
Also remember to let it sit for a minute afterwards while the falloff evaporates through the roof vents.

7. Add rest of milk

Remember when you only put half the milk in? well now you put the other half in.
stir it well and enjoy it warm. If it's too cold for your fiery palette, cover it and re-heat it again for 30 seconds.

Aaand....

You're done!

Isn't it dreamy?

Steps 2-7 for old fashioned people and the poorest of students
1. add your milk to a saucepan
set it on high heat, then just as it starts boiling let it simmer.

2. add coffee
you need about a teaspoon per 250 ml. Add more if you made more. Trust your judgement and taste every now and then but be careful not to burn yourself. Add other ingredients as in step 5 for normal people

3. gently simmer and stir

enjoy the aromas emanating from your dastardly concoction

4. Serve

pouring from a pan is always a messy business so I would suggest a ladel. If this is too exotic for your kitchen use a cup.

Cold as Ice

Some ingredients dissolve quite happily in milk without the need to heat them. Here's a list of some of them

• sugar
• vanilla essence
• coconut milk
• concentrate strawberry juice/syrup (one of the few fruit juices that work with milk, will make yoghurt)
• concentrate cherry juice/syrup (another one that works with milk; beware, this will also make your milk thick like yoghurt)
• strawberry essence (it isn't actually strawberry, which is why it won't make your milk yoghurty)

The essentials for a delicious vanilla milshka

30 second sweet vanilla milk

1. open a fresh bottle of milk

1 litre or 2 litre.bottle of milk will do

2. add sugar and vanilla essence (or strawberry)

add about 5-8 drops of essence, then fold a sheet of paper in half to make a V shaped funnel to put about 3 tablespoons of sugar into it (twice all these for a 2 litre bottle)

3. close and shake

I can't stress how important it is to make sure the lid is as secure as possible before doing this.

finished! chug it at your pleasure.

Creativity and Humour; the joy of Materialising your Imagination and why we find things Funny.

 I would call myself creative, I enjoy making something and then taking a step back and staring at my new creation with a parental sigh before throwing it over my shoulder and working on the next piece. All in all, I would make a TERRIBLE mother. Partly because I am a guy and have the wrong body for it, and also partly because everything that comes out of me I look back on with disgust.
Yes, creative people are proud of their latest works, but when the newest one surpasses that (as it must in the natural course of things) then the less perfect creation is seen as a weakness that has been overcome, a shit that is out of the system. It doesn't look like this to anybody else, but to the creator it is a personal indication not of progress, but of past weakness.
Anyway, enough about lonely Monday afternoons.
What I shall explore this time is why we enjoy creating.
This time, I don't even have a theory to go by. This should be fun!

Why only humans?
I suppose the way to start off understanding why we are creative is to look at what creativity is. In order to understand this we should start off by understanding where it came from, and what it's possible purpose was.
What makes us different from most animals? I suppose language is one thing. This explains why we enjoy music (but I'll save that for a later post) however I can't see how expressing yourself is related... but wait!
Isn't expressing yourself all about communicating? Quite possibly, yes! so that's part of it, but it doesn't explain why we want to communicate our thoughts in the first place. Like I said in the opening paragraph, expressing creativity is about taking what's inside your imagination and making it real in some way.
Imagination.
Real.
A link. Human brains LOVE links. This is why we enjoy humour; humour is when your brain makes either a link or various links in one go. The more links are made in one piece of singular information the funnier we find something. This information is called the punchline. We find films interesting because they teach us how to react in different situations, documentaries are interesting because they teach us about new things, we are curious because we love learning.
Perhaps this seems odd, It did to me when I was in school, but humans do actually enjoy learning about subjects that interest them. I suppose we just love nurturing our brains.
So where does creativity come into this?
this calls for another chapter.

Creativity; Braingasm induction
The more interesting something is, the more we learn from it and the mroe we learn the more interesting it is. Learning also comes into perfecting brain functions that result in real world consequences; Skills.
We love perfecting skills. Drawing, singing, gaming, sports, they all stimulate us because we are getting better at them.This is part of the joy of creating. But there's more to it than that.
Once again lets not forget what creativity is; taking something imaginary, making it real.
Put yourself in the shoes of an animator.
In your head you have a character, you have a story and it all looks very good in there.
But you want to see it with your own eyes. So, you make it real, at least real as far as your eyes are concerned.
Now your visual cortex has confirmed what your imagination was babbling on about. It made a link. Imagination-sensory links are the hardest to make and are impossible to make without external influences. You can imagine a perfect pizza all you like but you won't be satisfied until you've made it. In the same way, your brain won't be satisfied until it's heard that awesome guitar riff, or seen  that idealic village portrayed in your painting.

Summary
Short one today, but that really is all I can think of regarding creativity.

• Your brain loves to perfect skills, the sense of getting better at something gives it orgasmic pleasure.
• Generally, your brain gets boners for neurological links. These come in the forms of learning, humour, practice and creation
• Creation links are the hardest to make, and can only be made between the imagination and sensory cortex when you make your imaginations "real".
• Theoretically, the more senses your creation applies to, the bigger your mindgasm.
• Things are funny when you have lots of "loose ends" of information and they all come together in one single punchline. It's like having a jigsaw puzzle and sticking the last piece in the middle that links all the other pieces together. If the jigsaw was a brain it would shit itself laughing at this point.

Love, Beauty and the Caveman inside our Heads

This is going to be extremely brief because if I got into it deeply I would need a rope to pull myself out.
Love is a hot and sticky subject to us as humans, but that is because it fucks with our minds.
For this purpose let's pretend we're not human. We are an incredibly intelligent species of butterfly, who have evolved the ability to analyse and hold clipboards and poke fun of this ape-like human race.

From a butterfly's perspective
Right, Say you are making a creature, doesn't matter how why or who you are, just let's say we are designing a mammal. It will die, it has to for the sake of evolution and resources and also because sooner or later something will come along and kill it. For this creature to NOT become extinct, it has to multiply, right? Also, the offspring of this creature will be vulnerable. It needs to take care of this offspring too right? and while it's taking care of the offspring, won't it's mother be vulnerable too? Perhaps. This isn't the case in all animals (cougars, for example.) but in humans the mother must feed the baby her attention at all times or else the neglected baby will die. Human babies are incredibly needful of attention because they have these huuuuge brains that need feeding all the time. This means the mother simply cannot leave it's side to go look for food.
So it's the father's turn to bring home the bacon. But will he? Pretty much any mother can look after a baby if she's got the body for it (hips that can carry a child for nine months then let it out easily, breasts that can feed it properly, sound familiar? yes it's the hourglass figure cliché. not so cliché now is it?...) However, a mother has to choose carefully. Sure a big muscular aggressive guy is useful in protecting the baby, but what researchers have found is that to the mother's instinct it's more important that the man won't abandon the mother and child, and that he is willing to sacrifice whatever to bring food for the family and also take part in caring for the child allowing the mother to take a break.Because this is all part of the human subconscious, the old part of the brain, the lymbic system, we have little to no control over it. the funny thing is, we think  that we (we being the rational thinking side of the brain, the neo cortex that has thoughts and a sense of self) are in control of our emotions, our instincts and urges. The truth is it's the other way round. If it wasn't, we would have no fear of the dark, quitting smoking would be as easy as not being bothered to buy another packet (which it is for a few people) and you would never cry over a hopeless relationship. But because it controls us, this is why we can guess more or less what a person will go for.

Love itself
So love, what exactly is it?
Now you understand (or don't) the basics of what the subconscious mind looks for in both sexes and how it impacts on our rational thinking, let's see how this ties in with love.

Like I said before, humans are unique in that a human baby needs constant attention. This means the mother cannot protect it all on her own and feed it at the same time, so it is in the interests of the male she mated with to protect them both and bring food to the family. Yes, this is all very macho-chauvinistic and old fashioned, but let's forget norms concepts and all the other peculiarities of modern society and return to a time when there simply was no other way it would work. Because that's the time from which our brains come.
We have caveman brains, we live in a modern society but our brains are still  the same as they were 300,000 years ago. Sure, we understand things differently and we can think a lot better, but the internal workings are the same. Take a caveman baby, let him grow up with a normal family and nobody will know the difference. Want proof? There were tribes that have been living isolated as hunter gatherers minding their own business all over the world. When western barbarians stole them and sold them into slavery, it was literally like coming from the age of stone into what was then known as the "modern" world. Nonetheless, when these tribesmen were eventually released to be free (and got their rights after a few hundred years) they integrated with society and proved to be just as intelligent as any westerner, becoming governors and professors all over the place. The point is, our brains haven't changed that much because of what we like to call "modern society".
For this reason, you always feel like you can't explain why you are in love with a particular person.
Love is when that bond is made, the subconscious unspoken agreement between two misty pairs of eyes across a crowded room that goes something like this:
"I want your babies..."
"you sure have the body for it, ok..."
"you'll never leave me right? because if you will I will have to find someone else"
"I won't, your smile tells me you won't be a pain in the ass in 20 years"
and then you pretend to "get to know each other". The truth is you've already made the contract, but this is still a trial period. Over the next month or two you will both learn the ins and outs of your partner. The woman will do crazy things she can't explain and the man won't understand, but these are tests. She is compelled to do them by her subconscious to determine what the man will do given this or that situation. If the man is patient and passes the test, the woman will trust him. Trust is easier to gain from a man than from a woman because the primordial tradition is that the woman is left with the baby. If the man leaves and the woman doesn't find another, she would have to choose between her life or the child's, she cannot sustain both. Yes, it doesn't make sense in the modern world, a woman is just fine bringing her children up herself, but remember that such a society where this is possible has only been around for 200 years or so. Probably less, depending on where you come from. nonetheless, a man only loses a good mate since he has no bond with his future child yet. Still, a good man will form an incredibly strong bond with his partner, and if the partner for some reason changes her mind the bond will still be there. Once it is made, a man's bond of love can last for months without the sustenance of it being returned. Women move on quick however, because they have to. In this world, it is the woman who makes the choice. This is why a woman will take so long to figure out if she likes a man or not once she has made the initial bond with him. However, a woman will make several initial bonds with different men, and can have many of them on "trial" before deciding which one suits her and her child the best. This is why affairs happen, because the bond had been made while the man and woman were still on their "trial period".

Friendzoned
Friendzoning is when a girl or a boy decide that somebody is their best friend and therefore cannot be a partner because they're more like a brother/sister.
This is bullshit. The truth is that it doesn't matter if you are best friends or not, what is really happening is that whoever it was that is the friend was on trial and simply failed, but for the purposes of pack mentality they are still considered a good companion in life, just not the one to make a family with.
Once a man fails a woman's trial period, they are forever remembered as being flawed. However, it is possible that once whatever flaw it was that led to failure is fixed, the woman may reconsider. For example, if a man failed because he was a pleya and had many hoes on the go, but hasn't flirted with a woman for the sake of chastity and a woman who rejected him notices this, she may put him on trial again. remember, these are subconscious trials so she may not even speak to the man in this period, but if he passes the trial period (usually around a month... regulated by a woman's cycle) then it is incredibly likely that the woman will fall for him.

Beauty
They say that there's no scientific way of determining looks, this of course, is bullshit.
Good looking people are people who have the most average features. Yes, average.
I don't mean average as in they don't look that great but they aren't monging, I mean mathematically average.
The brain does an incredibly complex thing. It analyses every face it has ever seen and judges a new one against it. It takes factors such as distance between eyes, size of nose, anything that can be measured, and judges how well the new face fits in with the average (mean if you wanna be pedantic) of all those measurements it made hundreds of times before. Sure, you can only remember up to 200 faces, but the model of the ideal face remains unchanged even with every forgotten face and is updated with every new one. Yes, your brain is amazing and you don't even realize you're doing it. Bare in mind that this is being done by the most ancient part of the brain too.
But why?
Why do this? well the truth is, it's all about genetic diversity. A human that has a much more diverse gene pool of past genetic material is more likely to survive various diseases and such. This is the reason why people tend to find (good looking) foreign-looking mates more attractive, because this is the fastest way of getting a whole new packet of useful genes to add to your family material. The more mixed up the genes are, the more mixed up the genetic information is and this shows on the face.

Summary
let's sum it up in bullet points because that is a lot of crap to go over.

• Love is subconscious, don't think you can control it
• Women go for a man who will protect them, remain faithful and support her while she raises a kid
• men go for women with a body that will help the kid survive, they also go for a woman they won't feel annoyed with after twenty years (someone like a best mate)
• love happens instantaneously, but has a 1-2 month trial period.
• During this time a woman can have multiple number of potential mates.
• If trial periods for 2 mates overlap, they both take on the length of the latest one.
• males have trial periods too, but they are much shorter because there isn't the same pressure to find a perfect mate
• If you fail a trial period, move on to someone else but remember that though some women are easier than others, in reality they all have the same standards and if you don't match them you'll still get your ass dumped later
• If your guy has many women on his mind, don't worry, it's completely natural. Just be the best of them and remember: guys like women who are like a best mate; somebody who won't get on their nerves in twenty years. (see 3)
• The more mathematically average a face is regarding individual measurements, the more attractive it is.
• foreign looking people are attractive because they have a whole new packet of different genetic material to boost your family DNA.

The meaning of life

Yes, that stupid question that's caricaturised in so many situations it's become a cliché.
Nonetheless, I would say it's a good start.
I try to view the world scientifically, so for that to happen we must first get out of the way the religious explanation. That explanation is that God put us on earth to look after his creation. If that's true I can imagine he just gave up when we hit the industrial revolution....
Anyway, this ties in with an interesting theory that I'll explain later, the ancient astronaut theory.
It's a stupid idea that I might explain in a later post.
If I feel like it.

Scientific reasons for existence
Scientifically, nothing needs a reason to exist. It just does. However, the very molecule of life, DNA, seems to have a meaning for us as its vehicles. Deoxyribonucleic acid is an interesting and unique chemical. Humans are now able to engineer chemicals, that is, they can take individual atoms and design on a computer a molecule that will do a specific job. This is how most polymers (plastics) were discovered and how "smart" materials are designed. Now, if you were to create an ultimate engineered chemical, the one that would be the hardest to make and also the awesomest, it would be DNA.
Why?
well, why do we exist? we exist because DNA. Yes, DNA which was "accidentally" (depending on what version of the bigger picture you subscribe to) made in that pool of primordial meteorite slime and just happened to have the perfect composition that gave it a sort of "intelligence" that then led to create everything that we know as "alive". DNA works on 2 rules: divide and occasionally mutate. With these two simple rules over millions of years DNA has evolved into you, me and all the pointless creatures that live forever alone under various rocks. This molecule IS us. it is life itself. Scientifically, your soul, or your essence of existence is this DNA. In this sense there is life after death, but that life doesn't continue on when you die, you continue when you knock up a potential partner. Your children are your continuity, and we are just a very VERY complex tool for DNA to replicate itself. In essence, we are all huge dicks.

Ancient astronaut theory
If science left you feeling like a penis and this disappoints you, then you can always turn to religion. While depending on which religion you choose or don't have a choice in you may feel more or less satisfied. Nonetheless, I won't touch on religious beliefs because everyone has their own and these are often kept very close at heart. Instead, I'll offer an alternative reason for being that should satisfy the pious and infidels alike. See it as a story if you wish.
This crackpot theory, I imagine, was suggested for fun many many years ago over a few beers in some bar in Kent. From there it reached the ears of a handfull authors who wrote books on the matter and the idea reached cult status. The gist of it is that we were at some point in the past visited by aliens from space. It sounds strange but the insane thing about it is that it makes almost perfect sense  as in it's very difficult (some claim impossible) to disprove it and it provides a logical explanation that links every ancient religion in the world. But more on this later.
As I mentioned earlier, followers of Jesus would tell you that we were put here by the almighty to look after all the little critters that scurry around not being able to look after themselves the silly things. The AA (please excuse the abbreviation I feel ridiculous writing the name in full) theory would suggest that this was why aliens perhaps genetically enhanced the species on earth known as homo erectus (if that didn't make you snigger read it again) into homo sapiens. This sorta makes sense if you are willing to believe in aliens. Why does it make sense? because it fills in that little gap in evolution known as the missing link (although I think I found it reading youtube comments)
So why did they do this?
possibly for fun. I know that's why I've done almost every single worthwhile and otherwise thing in my life. But to keep in line with what I was saying in the last paragraph, let's say they did it to see how we would develop so that they could monitor and study us, to see when or if we are ever gonna figure out that we don't really have any other place than this planet and stop shitting in our cot.
Alternatively, they might perhaps have had bigger plans for us...

universal conscience
Picture this. with current growth rates, in 600 years we will need 3000,000 Earths just to accomadate the human race. That's with every family having 4 kids (which is about the average taking into account countries where multiple children are essential to any children at all, so don't judge) that means that families double with every generation and if a generation gap is about 17 years average with a current global population of around six billion; well, you do the maths.
The point is that sooner or later we will have to look into interplanetary colonisation. No, inter-stellar. If you want an idea of what that would look like, imagine the Europeans conquering America all over again, except 10 billion times the scale. Inter-stellar colonisation leads to a humongous growth rate and humans could, given a few billion years, colonize our galaxy. Technology also is growing exponentially and with that, our influence on our surrounding universe is also growing exponentially. Where is this leading us? well, the universe is slowly but surely rushing towards total enthalpy. Enthalpy is disorder. The universe is heading towards total disorder, a soup of nothing but light particles floating around in a constant fog of what used to be matter and molecules. Everything is broken down to it's elements and everything is the same, like wonderful and complex coral reefs becoming sand over time. Why does enthalpy do this? Well, there are a million ways for a room to be messy, but only one way for it to be tidy. Set off a small bomb a million times in your room and you might have a small chance of getting it perfect. But this doesn't seem realistic, because you can tidy it yourself, right? Exactly. you are conscious. you have control over your surroundings and therefore you are the only thing in that room that can fight enthalpy. Like yo momma said, your room won't tidy itself up so clean that shit up boy. In this way, presuming that we are the only concious beings in the universe, (not that it matters come to think of it) humanity is the only thing in the universe that can save it from total fuckdom.


Summary
Whatever you get your daily dose of answers from, my personal opinion on the meaning of life is make your own.
Whatever reason we exist or whatever the purpose of humanity as a whole is, your personal reason for existence is what you want to do with your life! whether it's to help others, leave your mark on history or just settle down and have kids, the purpose for you existing is to live. Too many people have worried about why they live and have ended up being consumed by this pondering and lost the essence of living itself.
well, not really.
The truth is that this is a dream and you're actually a fat amorphous lump of a human being in a machine that's being used to process alien shit. You're all just livestock at the end of the day ;)

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